Beta #2

We've made it to now. Crazy, isn't it, how time just slows down when you really want it to speed up? The 44 minutes between 10am when I started expecting a call any minute and 10:44 when the call arrived felt like three hours. I finished breakfast, I cleaned up breakfast, I read an essay, I chatted with two friends online, I washed the tray in the bottom of our toaster oven, I read two blogs about spending less money, I re-freshed my twitter page...

Beta went from 59 to 147.8 in 34.93 hours which is slightly faster than the median doubling time on betabase.info (which is 35.51). It's still so, so early. At 14 dpo most 'normals' still don't even know they're pregnant.

They had to stick me in both arms to get blood this morning. I guess the vein they've used the other 23859 times this year finally had enough. I'm not complaining though! I'm trying to remain cautious, but feeling good for now.

Thank you for your kind words and support. Thank you so much for understanding the nerves and the waiting and being so kind while continuing to bear your own burdens. Please keep me company as we try to get to Tuesday and then to September 21st and many happy results. If your fingers haven't stiffened from keeping them crossed I'd love to have you keep them crossed a little bit longer!

Early Days

I was so, so sad on Sunday and it continued into Monday.
However, I had apparently not lost all hope because I woke up on Tuesday morning and decided to take a pregnancy test.


It was positive.

So was the test the next day and then the beta yesterday at the doctor's office as well. As you know, I have a TERRIBLE track record in this area, so we are trying very hard to maintain a level of cautious optimism. I'll have another test tomorrow and then a final beta on Tuesday assuming all goes according to plan. After that, if things continue well, the ultrasound is scheduled for September 21. I'm on progesterone supplements and hoping that it does the trick. If you have any fingers to cross for us it would be much appreciated.

Progesterone

I had my 7 dpo progesterone test this morning to check on my ovulation and whether Clomid is helping to 'strengthen' it. Apparently not so much. It was 9.6 today. Back in July, without any meds at all, it was 8.4. The doctor said that it is fine (really? the internet says it should be over 15 in a medicated cycle!), but that I could supplement with progesterone if it made me feel better.

Definitely feeling sad & disappointed & so frustrated.

Still in the 2ww

I'm keeping pretty busy with work, family, yoga and ICLW. So far, however, I have definitely found myself visiting ttc websites and thinking that perhaps I was a little bit hungrier than usual, or sleepier. My face started breaking out on Monday morning after almost three weeks of nearly perfect skin, so we can assume that's hormonal, but there's no real meaning beyond that.

As summer comes to a close and autumn and winter days are just around the corner it is time to dust off my baking skills and think about cooking too. This summer I've been a lazy cook. We've grilled or had salads or pasta or homemade pizza with an occasional stir fry thrown in whenever we've been home since the end of June! I want to try some new things and learn new cooking skills in the next few months. Any favorite recipes or menu planning ideas you care to share?

We plan a menu for the week and shop off of that, but I'm feeling a little bored with our standard go-to meals.

2 week wait

Since we've been on a break since the miscarriage in late April, I haven't been through a two week wait since back in the spring. I've definitely ovulated (thanks to the OPK and the crazy mittelschmerz I've been getting) so that puts us back in the two week wait. With my short-ish luteal phase in the past, my two week waits have really been ten or eleven day waits, but this time I'm hoping that it will be two full weeks because the Clomid was supposed to strengthen ovulation and therefore extend the luteal phase. On the downside, I'll have a lot of waiting to do!

What will I do during the 2ww?
Lots of work things- there are several required after work activities to keep me busy this week. I'll definitely be doing some yoga as well. At least one birthday party is on my schedule. I will also be trying to stay away from googling my pregnancy symptoms and stalking message boards. Good thing I have ICLW to help me find interesting parts of the internet rather than obsessing over Dr. Google!
What are your favorite 2ww activities/distractions?

Update

Just got back from the doctor and am starting to think that today is my lucky day!
-TWO follies on the right!
-Nicely sized too, there's a good chance I'll ovulate TWO this cycle- they're 16.64mm and 15.5mm!
-The follies on the left aren't there any more. Kinda weird, but apparently totally normal.
-Lining is great, healthy & happy over 9mm (I think 9.9?).
-If I don't get a positive LH surge tomorrow or Sunday morning they'll have me take Ovidrel to induce ovulation. My guess is that now that the follies are growing normally and are a good size ovulation will happen on its own, but we shall see.

If you have any extra fingers to cross for us I would greatly appreciate it!

Welcome ICLWers!

It's great to be back for another round of ICLW and I'm excited to meet you and learn about your stories this week.

Here's a little about me and what's going on right now:
-I'm in my first Clomid cycle to strengthen ovulation and increase my chances of conceiving with just one Fallopian tube.
-I'll have my tenth or eleventh ultrasound in a year this afternoon when I go in for my second mid-cycle follicle check.
-I worry too much.
-Today is Friday and that's wonderful news.
-I'm enjoying some hot chocolate because it has gone from 100 degrees to barely 70 and therefore feels like winter.
-Tomorrow we're going to a friend's birthday party. Any great gift suggestions for a 31 year old guy who loves to ride his bike, drink beer and cares about the environment and gardening?

Day 11, later

I spent a good part of the day feeling upset and frustrated.
However, the doctor didn't seem super worried this morning. As my husband will probably remind me later, he said 'it all looks very normal'... And maybe it is... It is only day 11, the follicles have several more days until ovulation is even expected. They grow about 1-2mm per day, that could have them at 16-18mm by Thursday (which would only be CD 14 and I have ovulated later than that before). The fact that there's only one on the right is a definite bummer, but it isn't impossible for a egg from one ovary to be grabbed by the opposite Fallopian tube (in fact, I think that happened the last time I got pregnant).

The difficulty, not surprisingly, is that my heart has been set on getting pregnant and having a baby for a very long time and we've been running into roadblocks from the beginning. After all, the month we'd decided to start trying I ended up in the ER with a very, very painful ovarian cyst and believe it or not, things went downhill from there! It's not crazy for me to think that there's going to be a problem around every corner- that's pretty much what's happened. What I have to remember is that sometimes the internet is wrong or overwrought and eventually there will not be a problem or a roadblock around every corner. Just like in all parts of life, sometimes the road is bumpy and full of traps and other times the path ahead opens up and the danger disappears and it's smooth sailing and pretty blue skies for miles. I could really use some open road.

Day 11

This morning was another delightful encounter with vaginal ultrasound technology. I think I've stopped counting how many ultrasounds I've had in the last year and a half.
Today's was to check on my follicles. The good news is that I have several. The bad news is that they're sort of small. On my right side, the one with the Fallopian tube, I have one 10mm follicle. The left side has several (at least three) between 8.5 and 11.5mm. Unfortunately, those three on the left side aren't going to do much good with no Fallopian tube. I also get the sense that perhaps this is a bit of under-performance on 100 mg of Clomid, but the doctor said it looked very normal, though a bit small if I was going to have a 26 day cycle (mine vary a bit, generally between 26 and 28 days), so perhaps this will be a bit of a longer cycle.

I feel really let down. At first I was fine, but as the morning goes on I just feel disappointed and freaked out that this is never going to work.

Clomid

I started Clomid on Sunday, so I only have one more dose to take this cycle.
So far there haven't been any side effects, but I hear the real fun can come later in the form of crazy-inducing levels of PMS, so we have that to look forward to.
I'm cautiously optimistic and still feeling mostly ready to be trying again. Sunday was rough just contemplating it all, but now that we're moving forward I'm feeling pretty excited and hopeful, while still fairly relaxed. This is definitely one of those times when I wish I had a crystal ball!

Pictures of the fabulous vacation are coming, but I've been away from the computer a lot this week with various other activities (yoga, house-cleaning, a great evening with friends) so it might be a little while. We're settled back into life in the US, but we certainly have some fantastic memories.

Well, I'll be starting Clomid sooner than I thought.
I went in this afternoon for my baseline ultrasound and will start Clomid on Sunday for 5 days. I'll have a follow-up ultrasound mid-cycle to make sure nothing funny is going on and then we'll see if it works. I'm excited and nervous, though right now I'm mostly just really sleepy because it has been a very long day of work!

How do I balance the desire to be positive and optimistic with the reality that I keep getting bad news? This is a brand new cycle and for the first time we're trying with assistance from a medication, but after experiencing two miscarriages it is very difficult to feel comfortable being positive and optimistic. We've learned a lot and my doctors are helping us treat problems so that the outcome might be better, but there's just so much that could go wrong- and so much that could go right- I'm sort of all over the map, I guess.

I'm back! I'm sure a longer post will emerge in the next few days, but so far I've been dealing with jet-lag and trying to get back into the swing of things for a few super busy days of work.
We had a marvelous vacation, full of sun and delicious food and wine and friends. I actually feel ready to tackle the next step in building our family, for a while I was afraid I'd never get to a relaxed, ready state, but here I am! Sometime next week it'll be Clomid time...

Worries

There's always something to worry about, isn't there?
Today I'm concerned that I might have a luteal phase defect after all.
The funny thing about this is that last summer when I was stressing out about not being able to conceive I was convinced a luteal phase defect was the primary problem. Little did I realize that it was a Fallopian tube issue and no amount of Vitamin B6 was going to fix that problem- only surgery would help create a less toxic and blocked environment.

Now, however, with the slightly low progesterone test and it looking like this next cycle is going to start slightly earlier than expected, there's a good chance that some B6 and/or some progesterone supplementation might be just what I need. I hope I'll be able to ask the nurse this week when she calls with my TSH level- as long as they call when I'm near my phone!

I travel a lot in the fall. I'll be out of town for most of the second half of September and two long weekends in October. Any thoughts on traveling during TTC and/or early pregnancy? If the best thing to do is wait that'll mean late October/early November before we try and that seems like a really, really long time from now!

In the beginning

I thought having a baby was just something that happened. In fact, I thought a person just stopped using protection and Hey Presto! next thing you knew you were out shopping for children's books and weighing your stroller options. I mean, I knew that there was timing involved and such, but I was a champion charter who had been sure that with enough temperature taking that once caution was thrown to the wind and copulation occurred it was all over save for the baby shower.

11 months later and now I know that usually happens to teenagers or people who weren't actually interested in having a baby. Oh, do I sound bitter? My, my, we can't have that! So, now, with nearly a year of trying and several unpleasant tests and procedures under my belt (hah! punny!), I'm left without a specific diagnosis and only one Fallopian tube and instructions to 'try on our own for a while'.

This is my story of what happens next.