The emotion I've been feeling most often is a sense of being stuck and trapped. I'm not sure how to get unstuck, or even if getting unstuck is what needs to happen. Maybe I just need to hang out and be stuck for a while.
This weekend was tough, I'm so done with having people in my space and I am not good at handling my frustration. I've been feeling a lot of frustration with the grieving process and all the unanswered questions I still have about the next steps. All of this combines to make me less than a bundle of fun to be around.
I really wish someone could just answer some of these questions for me. Anyone have any ideas?
-2 miscarriages in a row, not technically the definition of recurrent miscarriage, but close enough for me. Should I push my doctor for more testing?
-Does the chemical pregnancy count or not in the diagnosis of 'recurrent miscarriage'? (note: I have not been diagnosed with this)
-Do I need to wait til it is absolutely confirmed that my thyroid meds have moved my TSH to the optimal levels or is it safe to try again before the next blood test?
-Is there anything else I should do to make sure I never have to go through a miscarriage again? Because oh my goodness does that suck.
-Why is this happening to me?
Okay, so those last two questions are rhetorical, but I wish they could be answered.
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Our RE considers any miscarriage (chemical or not) to count towards a miscarriage rate. She also recommends testing after 2 back to back miscarriages, although from what I've read, 3 back to back is the standard. She also requires that TSH be in check. In fact, with our last cycle, I was actually just a tad hyper (I have hashimotos and am super hypo normally) and she was happy b/c she felt that would take us up through our first bloodwork with our OB. The baby's thyroid develops very early, so it is ultra important that your thyroid hormone be where it needs to be.
ReplyDeleteOh honey... I dont know why this is happening. I ask that every day. Even after our losses, I still dont have any answers. And God knows that, if I did, they still wouldnt be good enough. I have prayed after each miscarriage and each infant loss, "Please dont ever let this happen to us again." I dont know why this happens. I'm just so sorry that it does.
I hope that you dont have to go through miscarriage #3 and that your next pregnancy is the one that results with you holding a beautiful baby in your arms.
I wish I had the answers for you! I would talk to your doctor and be as adamant as you want to be about being tested. I didn't do that, and damn do I wish I had! I just kind of stuck my head in the sand and ignored it. Stupid! Hope yoga helps you feel less stuck.
ReplyDelete*HUGS*