Lately I've been feeling in good balance. Sure, things throw me off now and then- learning of a new baby I wasn't aware of, getting an invitation to join my health insurance's 'healthy pregnancy program' (if that's not a slap in the face I don't know what is!), but generally I'm just feeling more well, more grounded. It has to do with having the house back and going to yoga and eating better and sunny, beautiful weather.

I love the community created in the blogosphere by ALI bloggers and reading those blogs has been really helpful to me, the support is great, having people who get it is priceless. However, the sadness out there can sometimes be absolutely overwhelming. How is it possible that some people have to suffer through 6 miscarriages or a stillbirth or loss of a small child or years and year and years of treatment without result?
Intellectually, I know the world is unfair, but never has that unfairness been brought home to me in quite this way. Even more terrible in some ways than illness, infertility has an impact on so many lives, but so many more never have to give a second thought to it- unplanned pregnancies result in healthy children all the time! Infertility is also often a private grief, something that you are less likely to have a community rally around- as people prepare meals for cancer patients or new mothers, rarely does that happen for families going through a miscarriage or a battery of IF testing.
Cancer and other horrible things happen to people across the spectrum of culture and gender and every other boundary we can imagine, we all know we're going to die and likely experience illness in some way, and while no one thinks they'll get a terrible illness like cancer or hepatitis or whatever we know that it happens, the expectation throughout society is so strong that we'll have children without problems that it is all the more shocking when it doesn't happen. My phrasing is poor, in no way do I mean to suggest that I'd choose cancer or death over infertility or that they are easier to cope with, but the level of unfairness and grief is comparable for me and much, much closer to home.

The husband and I (I guess I should use a name for him, huh?) decided to stick close to home this weekend and so we're puttering around this afternoon. He's outside doing yard work and I'm organizing shelves and cupboards and making lists and cleaning things. Later on we'll make dinner and homemade margaritas and enjoy a beautiful evening on the porch. Life's pretty good, despite all the unfairness.