Day 11

This morning was another delightful encounter with vaginal ultrasound technology. I think I've stopped counting how many ultrasounds I've had in the last year and a half.
Today's was to check on my follicles. The good news is that I have several. The bad news is that they're sort of small. On my right side, the one with the Fallopian tube, I have one 10mm follicle. The left side has several (at least three) between 8.5 and 11.5mm. Unfortunately, those three on the left side aren't going to do much good with no Fallopian tube. I also get the sense that perhaps this is a bit of under-performance on 100 mg of Clomid, but the doctor said it looked very normal, though a bit small if I was going to have a 26 day cycle (mine vary a bit, generally between 26 and 28 days), so perhaps this will be a bit of a longer cycle.

I feel really let down. At first I was fine, but as the morning goes on I just feel disappointed and freaked out that this is never going to work.

Working for the Weekend

The scenery was breath-taking and once you got your breath back the lavender literally floated through the air. On a dreary, grey Friday afternoon I definitely let visions of Provence and the beautiful sunshine dance through my mind!


This chocolate lava cake was absolutely amazing. The French definitely know how to make dessert. They know a few things about wine and cheese as well according to my ever-expanding ass.... Fortunately I found my way to two yoga classes this week and have plans for another tomorrow. Now for some swimming or biking to kick it up a notch!

Search terms

Well, I'm feeling more and more like a real blogger, there are even people finding this little blog via somewhat odd and perhaps creepy search terms.
I just now discovered that somewhere on the internet someone was searching using:
"between leg videos tube+doctor adventure"
Somehow I do not think they were thinking of bicycle tire tubes, but maybe?

Clomid

I started Clomid on Sunday, so I only have one more dose to take this cycle.
So far there haven't been any side effects, but I hear the real fun can come later in the form of crazy-inducing levels of PMS, so we have that to look forward to.
I'm cautiously optimistic and still feeling mostly ready to be trying again. Sunday was rough just contemplating it all, but now that we're moving forward I'm feeling pretty excited and hopeful, while still fairly relaxed. This is definitely one of those times when I wish I had a crystal ball!

Pictures of the fabulous vacation are coming, but I've been away from the computer a lot this week with various other activities (yoga, house-cleaning, a great evening with friends) so it might be a little while. We're settled back into life in the US, but we certainly have some fantastic memories.

One Lovely Blog Award

Wow! bustedtube was given a Lovely Blog Award by Kim at Our Infertility Journey.
The rules of the "One Lovely Blog Award" are:
Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

I'm not sure I can come up with 15, but there are some very, very lovely blogs out there, so here's what I have recently (well, semi-recently) discovered:
Life Induces Thoughts, Mostly Random
Michelle at My Life after Loss
The hilarious 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility
Semi-Fertile
I know she's already got the award, but I'd also award Kim with the Lovely Blog Award.

Well, I'll be starting Clomid sooner than I thought.
I went in this afternoon for my baseline ultrasound and will start Clomid on Sunday for 5 days. I'll have a follow-up ultrasound mid-cycle to make sure nothing funny is going on and then we'll see if it works. I'm excited and nervous, though right now I'm mostly just really sleepy because it has been a very long day of work!

How do I balance the desire to be positive and optimistic with the reality that I keep getting bad news? This is a brand new cycle and for the first time we're trying with assistance from a medication, but after experiencing two miscarriages it is very difficult to feel comfortable being positive and optimistic. We've learned a lot and my doctors are helping us treat problems so that the outcome might be better, but there's just so much that could go wrong- and so much that could go right- I'm sort of all over the map, I guess.

I'm back! I'm sure a longer post will emerge in the next few days, but so far I've been dealing with jet-lag and trying to get back into the swing of things for a few super busy days of work.
We had a marvelous vacation, full of sun and delicious food and wine and friends. I actually feel ready to tackle the next step in building our family, for a while I was afraid I'd never get to a relaxed, ready state, but here I am! Sometime next week it'll be Clomid time...