Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I know it has been ages since I posted. I've felt oddly caught between my good fortune and my on-going worries and just haven't figured out how to post what I want to say without sounding like I'm whining or spoiled or something unpleasant.
Today I'm drawn back here because I need the support of this community and hope that writing it down can help ease my fears. Okay, my irrational fears.

I'm 16 weeks pregnant, isn't that wonderful? I even had a few weeks where my worrying got much better- from the first week of November until Thanksgiving, I was doing pretty well! On Thanksgiving afternoon I had a bit of blood tinged mucus and have been thrown back into the anxiety pit ever since. I called my doctor that day and she thought it was probably due to over-exertion (I'd been standing and rolling out pie crusts and hosting 14 people for the holiday). It didn't get worse or return and I've been fine ever since. Yesterday I had a prenatal visit and a quick ultrasound and all was well. I've been able to hear the heart beat with my doppler and it's a wonderful, if totally unreal, feeling! However, since Thursday, I've been completely, irrationally terrified that I might have cervical insufficiency or otherwise go into extremely pre-term labor and lose the baby and I don't know how to stop worrying!

My doctor at the visit yesterday said that they'd check my cervical length at my ultrasound at 19 weeks (only 20 days from now!) and that there was no reason to suspect that I had any problem. I know she knows what she's doing, but I'm still not convinced. I'm pretty sure I'm just being irrational and nervous due to my history and extensive knowledge of what can go wrong. Nonetheless, I'm really struggling with how to get this fear under control, so I thought putting it out there might help.


  1. Oh honey... I know you must be terrified. That would scare me. The problem with IC is that it often isnt detected until it is too late. Is there any way that you can be seen, just to assuage your fears?

    Sending big hugs and hopes that the next 20 days are completely uneventful.

  2. This whole journey is soooo scary. I'll be praying for everything to be perfect and for your fears to let go of you. Hope no more bleeding comes around. ((hugs))

  3. I know exactly how you feel. I've been up and down with my nervous feelings and crying because I'm sure something is wrong with this baby. Everything scares me.
    I'm glad to hear things were fine after your bleeding!
    All I can do to help is let you know that you'll be in my thoughts. We can get through these scary times!

  4. Oh, I know I'm going to be a nervous wreck, always peeking around the corner for the boogeyman my entire pregnancy, should I ever get pg again. For a woman who has struggled with IF, it's totally normal and valid and not whiny AT ALL.

    As for the spotting, it's so, so normal. You've got excess blood pumping like crazy to both your uterus and your cervix. It's going to spot a bit when the bean moves or your over-exert or your cervix gets irritated due to BDing, etc. If it's just occasional spotting, it's great to get it checked out, but try not to worry about it. Yea, I know, I'm a hypocrite because I'd worry too ;).

  5. I don't have any advice, but just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and hoping that everything continues to go well.
    Hang in there!