I decided to take action and stop my freak-out before it started.
Now, I don't know if this will cure me, I seriously doubt it, but it was definitely smart to get checked for my own peace of mind.
I called the doctor and went in for a 4th beta today because I was feeling so nervous about it. I know, I need to relax, but I haven't quite gotten there yet.
Today's beta was 1,919. Doubling time was 41.5 hours (averages for numbers in the range I'm in now and the one I was in on Tuesday are: 40.47 & 42.34).
This is definitely reassuring, though I'm not ruling out getting nervous again.
I can't promise anything, but I do know that having solid numbers at this point (the point at which things started going badly last time), feels good today.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Anxious
I can't seem to settle down this evening. I'm definitely tired, but also all keyed up.
It started mid-morning with feeling anxious and it's ebbed and flowed a bit, but even though I almost fell asleep while watching a movie, I haven't been able to fall asleep yet in my bed- which is completely unlike every other night this week when I've been zonked out by 10:45.
I can't decide if my body is freaked out because my mind is freaked out or if there's really something wrong. I want so much for this pregnancy to flourish and be healthy and continue to full term...
It started mid-morning with feeling anxious and it's ebbed and flowed a bit, but even though I almost fell asleep while watching a movie, I haven't been able to fall asleep yet in my bed- which is completely unlike every other night this week when I've been zonked out by 10:45.
I can't decide if my body is freaked out because my mind is freaked out or if there's really something wrong. I want so much for this pregnancy to flourish and be healthy and continue to full term...
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Results Are In!
The news continues to be good.
Today's beta was a tiny bit lower than I was imagining, but still above average.
Beta: 531.7 (17 dpo)
Doubling time: 38.86 hours (It was 147.8 on Saturday at 8:15am and 531.7 today at 7:45am)
Average doubling time for betas in the 147 range: 38.43 hours
Average doubling time for betas in the 531 range: 40.47 hours
That makes me more comfortable seeing that mine falls right between.
I'll continue with progesterone supplementation and my prescription is ready to pick up this afternoon so I don't even have to worry about that!!
Thanks for all your comments of support and special thanks to Baby Hungry this morning for the reminder to enjoy it, I really needed that!
Count down to ultrasound: 12 days
Still feeling cautiously optimistic because, of course, last time my betas were fine until they weren't. However, I am going to enjoy it as much as I can.
Today's beta was a tiny bit lower than I was imagining, but still above average.
Beta: 531.7 (17 dpo)
Doubling time: 38.86 hours (It was 147.8 on Saturday at 8:15am and 531.7 today at 7:45am)
Average doubling time for betas in the 147 range: 38.43 hours
Average doubling time for betas in the 531 range: 40.47 hours
That makes me more comfortable seeing that mine falls right between.
I'll continue with progesterone supplementation and my prescription is ready to pick up this afternoon so I don't even have to worry about that!!
Thanks for all your comments of support and special thanks to Baby Hungry this morning for the reminder to enjoy it, I really needed that!
Count down to ultrasound: 12 days
Still feeling cautiously optimistic because, of course, last time my betas were fine until they weren't. However, I am going to enjoy it as much as I can.
Waiting
And now the wait begins for today.
I got my blood drawn just before 8am.
They will get back to me by the end of the day.
I'm hoping for a beta above 570, but anything over 550 would probably be fine.
Thank you for your good thoughts, keep them coming!
I got my blood drawn just before 8am.
They will get back to me by the end of the day.
I'm hoping for a beta above 570, but anything over 550 would probably be fine.
Thank you for your good thoughts, keep them coming!
Monday, September 7, 2009
Knowledge is Power?
I've been thinking a lot lately about how much the IF community knows about what could go wrong. There is so much that could go wrong and even though I knew some of that in theory, I don't think it really hit me until my chemical pregnancy last winter. The day I got the positive test I thought my struggles were over! Two days later my grief was literally pouring out of me as I sobbed for hours.
But now. Now I know that all kinds of things can happen. Babies born too early, miscarriages, babies with problems, pregnant women who are in accidents, who have serious non-pregnancy related medical problems, babies born right on time, but born without taking a breath. Heartbeats heard at one ultrasound and then nothing at the next. All this can and does happen. And it happens to all kinds of families on every continent.
Somehow, though, we find a way to hope even amidst such knowledge. My hope is certainly alive, even though I know that good betas don't mean I'm in the clear and that it is still two full weeks til the first ultrasound and everything can change in that time. The human spirit is really quite tremendous. Last fall as I struggled through the reality of losing my tube and having not conceived in our first 6 months of trying I was as depressed as I've ever been. I felt like a failure, a disaster. I hated that I wasn't managing my struggles with the kind of grace I thought I should and that I thought would be more flattering. I don't know if I've developed grace over the last year or not, but I don't care quite so much. It is okay to feel sad and destroyed. However, the important part is that each day you get back up and do the best you can. The blogging IF community is full of such incredible examples of women doing just that, even if it doesn't always feel that way.
But now. Now I know that all kinds of things can happen. Babies born too early, miscarriages, babies with problems, pregnant women who are in accidents, who have serious non-pregnancy related medical problems, babies born right on time, but born without taking a breath. Heartbeats heard at one ultrasound and then nothing at the next. All this can and does happen. And it happens to all kinds of families on every continent.
Somehow, though, we find a way to hope even amidst such knowledge. My hope is certainly alive, even though I know that good betas don't mean I'm in the clear and that it is still two full weeks til the first ultrasound and everything can change in that time. The human spirit is really quite tremendous. Last fall as I struggled through the reality of losing my tube and having not conceived in our first 6 months of trying I was as depressed as I've ever been. I felt like a failure, a disaster. I hated that I wasn't managing my struggles with the kind of grace I thought I should and that I thought would be more flattering. I don't know if I've developed grace over the last year or not, but I don't care quite so much. It is okay to feel sad and destroyed. However, the important part is that each day you get back up and do the best you can. The blogging IF community is full of such incredible examples of women doing just that, even if it doesn't always feel that way.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Beta #2
We've made it to now. Crazy, isn't it, how time just slows down when you really want it to speed up? The 44 minutes between 10am when I started expecting a call any minute and 10:44 when the call arrived felt like three hours. I finished breakfast, I cleaned up breakfast, I read an essay, I chatted with two friends online, I washed the tray in the bottom of our toaster oven, I read two blogs about spending less money, I re-freshed my twitter page...
Beta went from 59 to 147.8 in 34.93 hours which is slightly faster than the median doubling time on betabase.info (which is 35.51). It's still so, so early. At 14 dpo most 'normals' still don't even know they're pregnant.
They had to stick me in both arms to get blood this morning. I guess the vein they've used the other 23859 times this year finally had enough. I'm not complaining though! I'm trying to remain cautious, but feeling good for now.
Thank you for your kind words and support. Thank you so much for understanding the nerves and the waiting and being so kind while continuing to bear your own burdens. Please keep me company as we try to get to Tuesday and then to September 21st and many happy results. If your fingers haven't stiffened from keeping them crossed I'd love to have you keep them crossed a little bit longer!
Beta went from 59 to 147.8 in 34.93 hours which is slightly faster than the median doubling time on betabase.info (which is 35.51). It's still so, so early. At 14 dpo most 'normals' still don't even know they're pregnant.
They had to stick me in both arms to get blood this morning. I guess the vein they've used the other 23859 times this year finally had enough. I'm not complaining though! I'm trying to remain cautious, but feeling good for now.
Thank you for your kind words and support. Thank you so much for understanding the nerves and the waiting and being so kind while continuing to bear your own burdens. Please keep me company as we try to get to Tuesday and then to September 21st and many happy results. If your fingers haven't stiffened from keeping them crossed I'd love to have you keep them crossed a little bit longer!
Friday, September 4, 2009
Early Days
I was so, so sad on Sunday and it continued into Monday.
However, I had apparently not lost all hope because I woke up on Tuesday morning and decided to take a pregnancy test.
It was positive.
So was the test the next day and then the beta yesterday at the doctor's office as well. As you know, I have a TERRIBLE track record in this area, so we are trying very hard to maintain a level of cautious optimism. I'll have another test tomorrow and then a final beta on Tuesday assuming all goes according to plan. After that, if things continue well, the ultrasound is scheduled for September 21. I'm on progesterone supplements and hoping that it does the trick. If you have any fingers to cross for us it would be much appreciated.
However, I had apparently not lost all hope because I woke up on Tuesday morning and decided to take a pregnancy test.
It was positive.
So was the test the next day and then the beta yesterday at the doctor's office as well. As you know, I have a TERRIBLE track record in this area, so we are trying very hard to maintain a level of cautious optimism. I'll have another test tomorrow and then a final beta on Tuesday assuming all goes according to plan. After that, if things continue well, the ultrasound is scheduled for September 21. I'm on progesterone supplements and hoping that it does the trick. If you have any fingers to cross for us it would be much appreciated.
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