Knowledge is Power?

I've been thinking a lot lately about how much the IF community knows about what could go wrong. There is so much that could go wrong and even though I knew some of that in theory, I don't think it really hit me until my chemical pregnancy last winter. The day I got the positive test I thought my struggles were over! Two days later my grief was literally pouring out of me as I sobbed for hours.

But now. Now I know that all kinds of things can happen. Babies born too early, miscarriages, babies with problems, pregnant women who are in accidents, who have serious non-pregnancy related medical problems, babies born right on time, but born without taking a breath. Heartbeats heard at one ultrasound and then nothing at the next. All this can and does happen. And it happens to all kinds of families on every continent.

Somehow, though, we find a way to hope even amidst such knowledge. My hope is certainly alive, even though I know that good betas don't mean I'm in the clear and that it is still two full weeks til the first ultrasound and everything can change in that time. The human spirit is really quite tremendous. Last fall as I struggled through the reality of losing my tube and having not conceived in our first 6 months of trying I was as depressed as I've ever been. I felt like a failure, a disaster. I hated that I wasn't managing my struggles with the kind of grace I thought I should and that I thought would be more flattering. I don't know if I've developed grace over the last year or not, but I don't care quite so much. It is okay to feel sad and destroyed. However, the important part is that each day you get back up and do the best you can. The blogging IF community is full of such incredible examples of women doing just that, even if it doesn't always feel that way.